Friday, December 22, 2006

Not quite right in the mind, body and soul.... But I'm blessed.

Angry Idiot: "You bastard!! You better go get your head checked or something...!!"
Me: "Well, actually I had an MRI scan last week. Thanks for your concern."

That would be my standard answer whenever somebody decide to insult me with the age-old muse of brain related put-downs.


I went to the University Malaya Medical Centre to get an appointment with a neurologist in order to book a time to get an MRI scan. However the nearest date I can get is March 16th next year. That's what you get for being the best hospital with the best facilities. I was hospitalised there before when I got run down by a car years ago. Other than the poor security, that place is a cool place, one would mistake it for a hotel because of the good service.

Anyways, I went back to the clinic to see if I can get referred to another hospital for a sooner date, but no dice. Anywhere else will blow a big hole in my wallet. So I'm sticking to the booked date. And in the meanwhile, it's time I put on my running shoes again and shoot some hoops, to stay good health and hopefully keep me in better shape.

I rarely talk about my past injuries, but would gladly indulge whenever someone asks. So here's how it's like in a nutshell... for those who don't know.

This brain scan thing, is the second time I remember feeling this down. The first was when I was diagnosed with a case of slip-disc 9 years ago. Two herniated intervertabral disc, pressing against my spinal cord at the lower lumbar. I could have been paralysed from the left side of my body.

It was because I was super active in sports way back in school, particularly basketball. Did lots of weight-lifting and lots of running. Took part in "sports marathon" with my friends. (11 hours of consecutive running, basketball, soccer and swimming) I was in my fittest (and hottest) when I was 17. But my reckless weight-lifting practices and over-the-edge activity finally reached its limit. The last straw was when I was jumping for a rebound and swinging around for a behind-the-back pass on landing. That was when I hear the scariest sound ever - the "Crack!" sound of my lower back finally giving way. I remember sitting down, unable to stand, while assuring my team mates that I was OK. But I'm not. The images of the MRI scan of my back, showed me the most frightening thing I have ever laid my eyes upon.

I was in total state of anguish and self-hate. Even loathed God for my incompetent body and sad fate. Weeks later after I was discharged, I travelled 200km to Sunway Pyramid for the (now demolished) largest roller coaster ride with my godbrother. Two consecutive times. (Note: Roller coasters are forbidden for people with a weak heart or bad backs) I was hoping to get myself killed there and then. But it never happened. (Yeah, I was a real stupid teenager back then...)

I love sports, and my physical ability as the one thing I took pride in. I remember taking on 3 people at the same time in a basketball game, and beat them at it. But like Titanic, God took me down, crushing my pride to pieces. I think God was trying to teach me a lesson, the hard way. I soon reconciled with God a few years after. Right now, even though I cannot sit/stand for a long time without the feeling of pain in my back, even though I cannot lift heavy objects, even though I cannot take part in sports as vigorously as before, even though my fit and muscular physique is now replaced with a fat and undertoned body..... at least I am still breathing and I can still walk.

Now comes my headache. Possibly migraine, possibly burnout. I don't know. But I was feeling down yesterday. I tried to push my limits again, this time at work. I am the type that would give all my energy and effort to accomplish things. Will not hesitate to put up over-nighters and programming marathons if needed be. Even though for the past weeks, the office have been quiet... the side-effects of my activities for the past year have finally shown its ugly head. I attribute this NOT to genetic inheritance of my family's history of hypertension and high blood pressure. But to my excessive working hours, irregular eating/sleeping habits, and long periods in front of the computer. In short, unhealthy lifestyle. Again, my over-the-edge lifestyle have taken me down with a side Russian leg-sweep. But after all the concern and support given to me by Papa, Mama(who cried), my fiance and my boss, tells me that I don't have to be that miserable. My bad mood has lasted me less than 24 hours. I feel that I have made a significant improvement and is definitely a stronger person. (even though I don't look like it physically) ^_^

My head is not fully healthy, my body is a wreck, my soul definitely scarred... but indeed I am blessed.

Have a nice day... ^_^


  1. Are u sure u want to push yourself at this time? I mean your brain might hemorage or something?

    I love Bruce Lee but it would have been cool if we got to see him as an old man and stuff...

  2. That certainly made me feel better... ^_^



Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

My Guitar Works