Wednesday, January 31, 2007

So true, so true...

You Are a Seeker Soul

You are on a quest for knowledge and life challenges.
You love to be curious and ask a ton of questions.
Since you know so much, you make for an interesting conversationalist.
Mentally alert, you can outwit almost anyone (and have fun doing it!).

Very introspective, you can be silently critical of others.
And your quiet nature makes it difficult for people to get to know you.
You see yourself as a philosopher, and you take everything philosophically.
Your main talent is expressing and communicating ideas.

Souls you are most compatible with: Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

..... now who wants to know the meaning of life? (^o^)

A man like me... for someone

A man like me
walks alone, lives alone,
eats and sleeps alone

Never dreamed of being afar
yet appearing distant
always gazing ahead
reminiscence of the past

had little desires in life
only but to live meaningfully
had sought perfection
only but flaws to be found

i care not for many
for many care not I

cheeks grown coarse
expression hardened
smiles are but a tool for another's satisfaction

body grown weary
feelings cold
gestures are but a proof for another's existence

thoughts grown infallible
emotions amok
voices are but a reserve for another's pleasure

do beautiful things only exist in dreams?
Nay, 'tis not true...
what was once only fantasy
had become reality

for who else...

who else would lay on my chest
finding comfort
who else would hold my hand
sensing belonging
who else would sieve through my hair
searching for feelings
who else would grace my eyes
looking for answers

who else would caress my temples
offering concern
who else would cuddle in my arms
resonating hope
who else would wrap around my waist
sharing closeness
who else would look into my heart
discovering paradise

none but someone... none but only one.

rhere's always a man like me ..... for someone

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Back from the Training Grounds

No I did not enter the military or national service.

I was involved for the Marriage Preparation Weekend for the Engaged course over the weekend. And I am SOOOO drained of all my energy from that whole grueling 3 days 2 nights event. I kept a journal throughout the course, and will share it here later.

All I can say that it was a weekend of new discovery. About myself and about my lovely fiance, which I can never look at her the same way again.

Forget about the rant I posted earlier. I realised now that it's all totally wrong. No part 2 or 3 on that will come.

For now, I need rest. ^_^

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Trio of thoughts, Part 1 - What I am sick of...

You now what motivates me? At this moment... it's a million dollars. US Dollars. I hear the Ringgit-US$ exchange have gone past the 3.50 mark already. So that's jolly good... we are doomed.

Money motivates me now. A million bucks would motivate me lots. Money would definitely solve all my problems. Get me out of this country, or get me a better life. Either way, it will definitely be good.

I am so sick and tired of being poor everyday. I am sick of being drained 75% of my bank account to pay off bills and rent, 3 days after my paycheck.

I am sick of wondering what I am going to eat today, because it will affect how much left I get to spend for the next few days. I am sick having only one meal per day, only drinks for breakfast and lunch.

I am sick of budgeting my driving trips because of the petrol hike, and carefully measuring the amount kilometers that I am able travel per ringgit.

I am sick of looking into my wallet and letting out a big sigh, because I know I am never going to get to buy that damn DVD-ROM for my PC(that has been eluding me for years now), upgrade my PC, buying the next single release from Morning Musume, fix my car, reinstall the radio/CD-player(that was stolen 2 years ago) in my car...

I am sick of not being able to save money in my many years living in the big city. I am sick of working with this ridiculous salary when I'm already pushing 30.

I am sick of instant noodles. I am sick of canned food. I am sick of being unable to get out of my fucking situation.

I am sick people telling me "Hey! You lost weight!", and I have no choice but to respond with a smile, instead of telling them that it is definitely not because I have enrolled in a gym.

I am sick of getting ill all the time. I am of my bad back killing me everyday. I am sick of my headache bugging me everyday. I am sick of my stiff neck torturing me everyday. I am sick of never being able to feel healthy for one freakin' day.... anymore

I am sick of people dragging me out of my lair for accompaniment, despite how many times I have hinted at them on my current financial status. I am sick of people bothering me, despite how many times I have hinted at them on my current health status.

I am sick of stupid people.

I am sick of having to bear the terrible feeling of letting myself down, that I have broken my own principles just to fulfill my other half's wish of getting married earlier. I am sick of having forced to ask for loan from my parents for that. I am sick of harbouring the feeling that I have been cheated into doing this shit. I am sick that after all my sacrifices, it doesn't seem to change anything, nor change anyone.

I am sick of having the feeling that I have achieved nothing for God, only worrying about my material needs, and I will definitely go to hell for it.

I am sick of having nowhere to find solitude and rest, only to express them in writing, on this blog...

I am sick and tired of the government and their controlled press media, wanting to censor every piece of shit just to make them look good. I am sick of them picking on their OWN people to save their own face, instead of going directly to the source of the problem and....err.... okay I just slipped that last one in. I feel better now, actually. :)

Have a great day ahead. Peace ^_^

Saturday, January 20, 2007

A new blogging beginning.... or the end of it all?

Well, that felt better... so here we go.

Blogging about blogging ..... yet again?
Nay... it's related. But it's more than that. Free style typing away here...

I've been thinking, what was the theme of this blog?

Yes, it's a personal blog. But everything I blog here are completely random. Some of them are just blogging for the sake of blogging. I hate doing things that doesn't have a definitive direction.

But then again, if I blog whatever I want, this blog will be closed down in no time.

I live in Malaysia, and for the benefit of non-Malaysians, this is not a place where you can practice freedom of speech. Everything is controlled, even the media.

Recent news about serveral top Malaysian bloggers being served the lawsuit because they wrote articles or parodies that probably criticized the government, poked fun at politics, or anything seemingly negative at all. And after a certain somebody kicked out a few key journalist of a certain newspaper, took on the role of chief editor, he started to bring out his weapons of pens and paper and begin throw lawsuits towards the aforementioned bloggers for libel.

And even for the previous statement, as cloudy and obscure as I try to make it, will probably land me lawsuit in no time. Then again, does anyone really care to do so?

I envy USA, where even David Letterman openly criticize President Bush on national television. Here, speak of anything negative, you get thrown to the lockup, or face the courtroom. Should I be more wary of what I blog? I don't think so. Because I don't think I am that influential as a writer or blogger. What I would eventually blog about, no matter how damaging the contents may be, may not change the society nor affect anyone. I don't matter. Unless I'm a member of the parliament or a renowned individual, then the stories will fly in all directions, and lawyers will visit my home.

I hate politics. Don't get me wrong, politics is important, as does the complex concept of country governing. If I were a politician, I make sure my policies count and benefit those who voted for me because of their confidence in me. But I'm not.

If I do discuss about politics, nothing positive would come out of it. Being a citizen of a country such as ours have its benefits, but when you are able to see past all the glorious twin skyscrapers, our mamak-circus astronauts, the "Malaysia Boleh" chants, you will find nothing but a decaying and hopeless dot in the world map called Malaysia.

Now you see what I mean by "nothing positive"? If not, here's more...

Think about it, we cast our votes and hopes to our local political parties campaigning so hot with lots of promises, then we get them breathing fire back at us. Breaking their promises, enacting ridiculous laws, hiking the taxes and tolls, and barring our basic civil rights in terms of freedom of religion choice, freedom of speech ... etc. Four years later, these same people come back for the elections and expect to vote for them again. For what? We know what they are going to do already. The system is all wrong. How on earth are we suppose to be hopeful?

Maybe I can write about the current events. But am I in touch with the current events to blog about them. It doesn't matter actually. Heck, I don't even care about them. Everything about it has something to do about politics.

The story I covered about the fanatical and mindless Muslims gathering in our church in Silibin over a silly SMS, protesting over a ceremony that has nothing to do with them? Politics.

The news about the government stating that they have no objections about our citizens joining the Highly Skilled Migration Programme to UK? About the same government who are more interested in promoting this year's Visit Malaysia Year 2007 and building that multi-million dollar copycat ferriswheel, instead of finding ways to retain our citizens by spending that same amount of money to improve the educational system? Politics.

The statement from the government warning hawkers not to hike the price of vegetables using the recent flood as an excuse? Do these fellas even know basic economics of demand and supply before saying that? Politics.

The fact that our police stations are so unequipped and under-facilitated , and yet the government expects the police officers to be self-motivated to be more dutiful to their job? The fact that the police officers are bashed for their corrupt ways instead of taking into consideration that most of these officers are living a hard life, to a point of being unable to even afford a proper apartment, or vehicles that are not Kancils? Politics.

The fact that even the Malays blame their own government for maintaining the "Bumiputra benefits" ...err...I mean the NEP... over the years? The fact that these benefits only benefit the few wealthy individuals of the country, and not the majority? The fact condos and apartments take even longer to sell because them bumis don't even have the cash to buy them despite having the NEP advantage? The fact that these benefits do nothing but making them even lazier? Politics.

The hiking of the toll fares? Politics.

The Singapore-Malaysia bridge? Politics.

The Petronas Twin Towers? Politics.

That silly scratching coupon parking system in Ipoh? Politics.

Ya know, with all these stuff happening, it becomes uninteresting on bloggin about our local news most times. In fact, it is so easy to assume what goes behind the curtains whenever the government (city, state or country) tries to implement ... err... whatever. Just think negative, and you will be able to connect the dots.

I believe in being hopeful, that there may just be some politicians that are not as corrupt as we think they are. But for the past close to 3 decades of my life, I must say this - nothing on this land makes me proud of who I am, and what I have become.

This is why I am happily blogging about the Japanese entertainment scene on my other blog, talking about my wedding preparations here, comparing my facial similarities with celebrities, and talking about a freakin' pizza restaurant in Australia...... all of this while our brothers and sisters are suffering in the east coast because of the floods.

This will be the last blog post I will make that consists of rants and complains. Because,... the more I think about our country, the more depressed I get. There is nothing worth blogging about it. Nothing at all.

Oh, the new them about this blog? Anything of entertainment value, thought provoking essays, personal projects.... just as long it has nothing to do with things that depresses me. But forgive me if I cut in once in a while to rant. We have to kind to ourselves and do something therapeutic once in a while, no?

Other than that. Have a nice day.... Peace. ^_^

Taking a deep breath......


Friday, January 19, 2007

To Leave or Not to Leave... that is the MBA dilemma

My fiance highlighted this to me.

Here's the deal...

Easier entry into Britain with an MBA
Sunday January 14, 2007

LONDON: Malaysian professionals who hold an MBA from any of 50 British-approved institutions will stand a better chance of working in Britain.

They will automatically get 75 points – the minimum qualifying mark under the point-based system in the Highly-Skilled Migrant Programme (HSMP), which came into force on Dec 5.

The move affects mostly doctors, lawyers, accountants, engineers and entrepreneurs, who must score at least 75 points to cross the HSMP hurdle....

Here's what the Malaysian government have to say about it...
Govt has no objections to Malaysians working abroad

Sunday January 14, 2007

KOTA BARU: The Government welcomes Malaysians to seek job prospects overseas as it was part of a globalised trend where highly skilled people are sought after all over the world.....

....“Of course, we want to stop a brain drain in certain critical areas but we feel by them going overseas, it can also benefit the country as they gain experience and income,” he said after meeting Jeli district education department officials and principals at Sutera Inn here...

...However, the Government strongly discourages any major skilled workers migration from critical areas such as medicine, dentistry, engineering and scientists, he said.

Here's what REALLY happens...

UK is luring Malaysian (or any other country) skilled professionals to their country - in other words, "brain drain". This is a HSMP (Highly Skilled Migrant Programme). A migration programme. When people migrate, don't expect them to come back. It rarely happens.

Now the problem is, that article was really confusing, the link to the UK Treasury is obscure. And what it does not tell you is that the ones who can really make it by going through the programme may be the minority of the lot. The rest will suffer.

MBA: M_alaysian B_ut A_vailable?... just read the comments.
Quoting commenter: malayantiger

The screamimg Star headlines truly shocks me.It gives the immpression that UK is soft on migration and is welcoming non-EU. The truth is otherwise! The reason why I am saying this is that currently there are hundreds if not thousands of HSMP visa holders being stranded by the new retrospective rules. I emailed to you about this issue earlier.(no reply) The British government id devilish on this new deal. Yes, you get in with an MBA from the 'approved' 50 so-called top MBA, and if you are under 28. But what the Star report does not mention is that to apply for extension when your HSMP visa expires, you need to requalify under the point system. You must also show you have earnings of at least £35k a year. Now that is an impossibility as not many can or will earn that amount. The old HSMP rules made in 2002 are actually friendlier than the new ones! There has been a lot of protests going on about new rules that have been applied on old HSMP holders.

And it's true.

UK - protest by migrants against HSMP change
11 January 2007

Highly skilled migrants in the United Kingdom are organizing a demonstration against recent changes to the Highly Skilled Migrant Programme (HSMP)...
...The changes, introduced without warning on 07 November, have affected up to an estimated 49,000 migrants, according to organizers. Migrants already in the UK under HSMP visas must meet the new requirements of the updated points-based system to qualify for extensions. The new criteria include changes in earnings requirements, age and academic qualifications. As a result, many people working in the UK under the program may not be able to stay when it comes time to apply for HSMP extensions.

....The main issue concerning demonstrators is that migrants already in the UK under the program must re-qualify under a points-based system. They would rather re-qualify based on economic activity alone. In some cases, new applicants for the HSMP program may find it easier to enter the UK under the new changes.

So far, lobbying and petitioning by migrants have not led to any reversal of the HSMP changes.

More readings:

So the changes in the HSMP have made the entries EVEN EASIER, but making the extension more difficult. No doubt the UK government are expecting many people to pass the re-qualification, but in reality, it doesn't happen that way. Definitely unfair for those who gave up everything they had to join the programme, only to have it slapped back to their faces.

Ya know, I started to wonder why our own government did not highlight the matter to us. Could they be expecting the MBA holders/skilled workers to be capable of doing their own homework before joining up? What if they didn't? Is this supposed to give our gomen a chance to gloat over the failures?

There's always a catch to everything. My final advice... and I quote... "An MBA is not a passport for instant success or higher pay."

Monday, January 15, 2007

Guess What? I look like Chow Yun Fatt!

Some face recognition software that I found that matches your face with celebrities.

Alec Baldwin? Oh man,... I didn't know that. :)
In conclusion, since I score only a little more than 60% for all matches, I guess I either have a generic face,.... or a fairly unique face.

I knew that I don't resemble lots of Asian features, everyone around me tells me that. But then again, the database probably contain mostly western celebrities, and that was an old picture anyway.

But hey, I look like Chow Yun Fatt in some way...! Haha!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Sleep Apnea.... Now I know why....

So, NOW I know....

Other than the bedwetting part, I basically have the symptoms for everything else about Sleep Apnea......... in other words, I'm in deep shit.

Non-surgical, and non-medicinal solutions include exercise and sleeping on the side. So I'll see what I can do.

Sleep Apnea from Wikipedia
Common Signs and Symptoms

(The signs and symptoms that follow apply to both adults and children suffering with sleep apnea)

Additional signs of obstructive sleep apnea include restless sleep, and loud snoring (with periods of silence followed by gasps). Other symptoms are non-specific: morning headaches, trouble concentrating, irritability, forgetfulness, mood or behavior changes, increased heart rate, anxiety, depression, increased frequency of urination, bedwetting, esophageal reflux and heavy sweating at night.

The most serious consequence of obstructive sleep apnea is to the heart. In severe and prolonged cases, there are increases in pulmonary pressures that are transmitted to the right side of the heart. This can result in a severe form of congestive heart failure (cor pulmonale).

Source from
Sleep apnea means “cessation of breath.” Basically the person’s airways become obstructed, and I don’t have to tell you how dangerous this sort of thing could be! Oddly enough, the person doesn’t even realize they have the disorder - the person in the bed with them is very often the one who recognizes that something isn’t right.

Symptoms of Sleep Apnea:

* Excessive daytime sleepiness
* Frequent episodes of obstructed breathing during sleep.
* Loud snoring
* Morning headaches
* Unrefreshing sleep
* A dry mouth upon awakening
* Chest retraction during sleep in young children (chest pulls in)
* High blood pressure
* Overweight
* Irritability
* Change in personality
* Depression
* Difficulty concentrating
* Excessive perspiring during sleep
* Heartburn
* Reduced libido
* Insomnia
* Frequent nocturnal urination (nocturia)
* Restless sleep
* Nocturnal snorting, gasping, choking (may wake self up)
* Rapid weight gain
* Confusion upon awakening

Monday, January 08, 2007

Then, it's my turn....

It's my turn to be ill. Bleh. :(

Was down with flu on Sunday. Now it's my fiance's turn to nurse me. Being me, I hate to be treated like a kid, but I must say that... I kinda liked it. Sponge bath... mmMMMmmm~~~... ^_^ \(^0^)/ :)
(Not a full body bath, but just enough.)

Nothing much to say, just that I always hated being ill, or down with anything at all. Going "Cmon... I can't be THAT weak!" everytime. But at least, now I can rest easy, now that I know I have someone to take care of me.

Will update me blogs when I am better.

Have a good day. Peace ^_^

Saturday, January 06, 2007

On playing nurse, stupid doctors...... and a stubborn fiance

Being a nurse is not easy... I salute all the nurses in the world, for their fortitude and patience, definitely one of the most grueling job ever.

I had my try being a nurse to my fiance since Thursday. She was down with some mild gastritis initially, and I took her to the clinic on Wednesday to sort it out.

But the problem came where she went for second opinion the next day, because the pain didn't go away. And the dumbass doctor prescribed her Ponstan, which worsen her problem. Now Ponstan is a multi purpose painkiller, can be used as an anti-inflammatory pill, and reduces bleeding for women having their period. I think that doctor had assumed that she was having a period, but the real problem is she was having gastritis. You see, Ponstan is also known as mefenamic acid. Simple equation --> acid + acid = bad_stomach. I didn't know that until she told me on Thursday morning, I would have stopped her if I knew.

So, 4 a.m. on Thursday I had to wake up and send her to the clinic again. This time, the doctor recognised that the first doctor also prescribed her antibiotics that is also acidic (Forgot the name). Adding to the equation again --> acid + acid + acid = even_badder_stomach. The doctor had advised her to stop the antibiotics, and will not prescribe her another one, afraid that a second type would cause complications. Somehow, my fiance misunderstood the advice, and continued taking the antibiotic... against my protest. Adding to the equation yet again --> acid + acid + acid + stubborn_fiance = totally_fucked_up_stomach.

By noon, her mild gastritis had turned into an ACUTE gastritis. Needless to say, she was so in pain, she cried the entire time.

I had to take half the day of to send her to the clinic AGAIN, where another doctor gave her an injection, prescribed some non-acidic painkillers, and some counter-gastric liquid.

Stayed with my fiance for the remaining day to nurse her. It was a heartbreaking moment to see the love of my life, flinching and wrenching and writhing in pain on the bed, cried and cried, puked so many times... it was terrible. She kept on asking me for the painkillers, but I denied her of it. We have to wait for a few hours for the anti-gastric liquid to take effect, because we don't want her to vomit the medicine out again. It was probably the worst 4 hours of her life...

But thanks be to God, it was worth the wait, cos' by night, after the taking the painkillers, the pain had subsided a lot, and finally she is able to walk and change into her pajamas. I left after 8 p.m. and was informed by her landlady (who was so kind, and made me some dinner) that she was asleep an hour later.

The next day, she was healthy as ever, and she was thankful for all I have done for her, and credited the speedy recovery to my attentive nursing. Somehow, I still feel bad, because I knew there was a problem and yet I didn't prevent it in time.

I've done and given my best... because that's all I can do. "And that's all I need. No one else could have done the same for me" she said.

She is stubborn. But that's what I'm for. I still love her. ^_^

New Year and Resolutions

Delayed post. But here it is.

Happy New Year 2007!

Fourth year of blogging....... Yeah, I haven't been regular. But it still counts. ^_^

My resolution is to re-condition my body. Lose at least 15 lbs, and tone myself up. Time to slip on my running shoes, and take out the weights that I have been keeping underneath my bed.

I'm getting married this year, so I don't want to look like fat on it. The pics that I have taken till now totally disgusts me. Never have I thought that the fat under my chin could be so visible.

Other than that, my other goals are:
- recontinue my MBA studies after the big day
- visit my sister in Japan
- restart my songwriting
- regularly update my blog(s)

Hopefully, I can fulfill most of it.

My Guitar Works