Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Trio of thoughts, Part 1 - What I am sick of...

You now what motivates me? At this moment... it's a million dollars. US Dollars. I hear the Ringgit-US$ exchange have gone past the 3.50 mark already. So that's jolly good... we are doomed.

Money motivates me now. A million bucks would motivate me lots. Money would definitely solve all my problems. Get me out of this country, or get me a better life. Either way, it will definitely be good.

I am so sick and tired of being poor everyday. I am sick of being drained 75% of my bank account to pay off bills and rent, 3 days after my paycheck.

I am sick of wondering what I am going to eat today, because it will affect how much left I get to spend for the next few days. I am sick having only one meal per day, only drinks for breakfast and lunch.

I am sick of budgeting my driving trips because of the petrol hike, and carefully measuring the amount kilometers that I am able travel per ringgit.

I am sick of looking into my wallet and letting out a big sigh, because I know I am never going to get to buy that damn DVD-ROM for my PC(that has been eluding me for years now), upgrade my PC, buying the next single release from Morning Musume, fix my car, reinstall the radio/CD-player(that was stolen 2 years ago) in my car...

I am sick of not being able to save money in my many years living in the big city. I am sick of working with this ridiculous salary when I'm already pushing 30.

I am sick of instant noodles. I am sick of canned food. I am sick of being unable to get out of my fucking situation.

I am sick people telling me "Hey! You lost weight!", and I have no choice but to respond with a smile, instead of telling them that it is definitely not because I have enrolled in a gym.

I am sick of getting ill all the time. I am of my bad back killing me everyday. I am sick of my headache bugging me everyday. I am sick of my stiff neck torturing me everyday. I am sick of never being able to feel healthy for one freakin' day.... anymore

I am sick of people dragging me out of my lair for accompaniment, despite how many times I have hinted at them on my current financial status. I am sick of people bothering me, despite how many times I have hinted at them on my current health status.

I am sick of stupid people.

I am sick of having to bear the terrible feeling of letting myself down, that I have broken my own principles just to fulfill my other half's wish of getting married earlier. I am sick of having forced to ask for loan from my parents for that. I am sick of harbouring the feeling that I have been cheated into doing this shit. I am sick that after all my sacrifices, it doesn't seem to change anything, nor change anyone.

I am sick of having the feeling that I have achieved nothing for God, only worrying about my material needs, and I will definitely go to hell for it.

I am sick of having nowhere to find solitude and rest, only to express them in writing, on this blog...

I am sick and tired of the government and their controlled press media, wanting to censor every piece of shit just to make them look good. I am sick of them picking on their OWN people to save their own face, instead of going directly to the source of the problem and....err.... okay I just slipped that last one in. I feel better now, actually. :)

Have a great day ahead. Peace ^_^

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